My first post. What to say...? Hmmmm...
Bill left Friday. It's Sunday. He'll be home in approximately 108 days. I am trying really hard to think about funny, uplifting things and enjoy the children. I think it's working.
Also I am currently trying to selectively inhibit my serotonin reuptake with little yellow pills. I read up on this shit because I can never bring myself to take a drug if I do not know exactly what it will do to my body and brain chemistry. Apparently when you have a thought... your synapses fire and basically make a connection with each other. Taking an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) causes the serotonin involved in this firing process to NOT burn off (as it does normally at 90% rate), but instead to hang around. Serotonin is the stuff your brain releases that makes you happy and gives you a sense of well being. Sooooooo... here's to hoping with a little more serotonin in my brain I will feel like doing all the things I need to do and get them done. In a good mood, even. I've been on it for 5 days now and I will say that just today I noticed a change in my emotion. No desire to yell at the oldest child for any crazy/annoying/defiant thing he did and I haven't cried once. Which is a huge change from yesterday and the days before. So I got that going for me, so far...
My youngest sister is coming on Wednesday and I am really excited about that. I don't know how long she will be here, but I hope it is for a substantial amount of days. It will be really nice to have so much time to enjoy her, instead of having to work the majority of the time and try and enjoy her when I am tired and I just want to zone out from the day. I have beach trips and long workout walks in mind, as well as staying up late watching movies and giggling.
Another thing I am really excited about regardless of how sad I am about Bill leaving again... is our intended move back to the Central Coast. I can't believe Bill agreed to it!!! I could cry I am so happy to be going home. I have never been very happy about living in the mountains of San Bernardino. Mostly due to the "San Bernardino" part... but a healthy portion now has to do with the snow and the ice and the fog. I left "home" in January of 2004. It was suppose to be for a short period of time while I recovered from my split from Wes. Obviously Bill coming into my life and being all "soulmate-ish" and impregnating me with those darn beautiful boys kinda of screwed up that plan. And he's told me from day one that we'd never move up there because we couldn't afford it. I don't know which part of my whining finally broke the camel's back... but I could not be happier. I cannot wait to show him my home and all of the million reasons I love life up there. Yay!
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