Childhood Tale of Funny

Today my sister Laura poked me on FaceBook. Not being one to take something like that lightly... I informed her that I would be telling mom on her. And to quit looking out my window.

My other sister, Rachel, I discovered does not know of this "looking out my window" offense of which I speak. It occurs to me that neither do you, most likely. And in the event we are ever riding in a car together, I want you to know full well what you should never do, lest you want me to start a pinching fest when those in the front seats aren't looking.

When Laura, Richie and I were little, our parents had normal sedan style vehicles. Which meant that Laura sat next to the door on one side of the backseat... and I sat next to the door on the other side. Richie use to actually be a lot smaller than Laura and I. I know... right? I don't believe me either... but it is the truth. Anyway... he had to sit in the middle. Which he called the "mush pot" and cried about. A lot. Until my dad told him it wasn't the "mush pot"... no, no, son. "It's the KING'S seat. And you're sister's aren't even allowed to sit in it. That's the spot for my boy! My Son! The KING!" Ummmm... I believe that worked. Once.

So when we would take trips... most of the time the ones that consisted of the parent's swapping responsibility for the weekend... we did what a lot of other children usually do when they are sitting 3 to a backseat, and annoyed the crap out of each other... and my parents. I do want to say for the record that Laura started it. ALL of it. Every time. :) So I retaliated by casually turning my head her way and looking out the window on her side of the backseat at the moon, or a horse we were passing or the car next to us... or anything really. As long as it was there, it became very, very interesting to me. And Laura would become INcensed. "MOM! MOM!!! She is doing it again!! She's LOOKING.OUT.MY.WINDOW.!! Make her stop looking out my window. She has her own window!! She doesn't NEED to look out MY window."

So I think the first time that happened... my mom (or dad... whomever had the privilege of making sense out of THAT horrific sibling torture method)... must have laughed, right? It's kinda of funny. Freaking out about someone looking out a window that happens to be next to your head in a car. However... in our family this was a huge issue for YEARS. Whenever I wanted to irritate Laura or when she wanted to irritate me, we did this to each other to the point where my parents would yell non-sensical things like,

"IF ANYONE LOOKS OUT A WINDOW THAT IS NOT THEIRS... AT ANYTHING... FOR ANY REASON... AGAIN, EVERYONE IS GETTING A SPANKING AND GOING TO BED WHEN WE GET HOME."

"ALRIGHT. THAT's IT! If the moon is out Beth's window tonight, then it's her night for the moon. The END. I cannot change the gravitation pull of the earth to make this fair."

"YOU CANNOT say "dibs" (the imaginary method of claiming ownership of other people's horses for your own) to horses that are out Laura's window. You may ONLY say dibs to horses out your window. If there are no horses on your side, I feel badly for you... but it's your day for out of luck. You may instead want to "dibs" cars you like on the other side of the freeway. They'll get you where you want to go a little faster anyway, and you don't have to shovel their poop."

We literally were not allowed to turn our heads in the backseat for years. And my poor, poor brother. The only window he could look out was the front windshield. It's a wonder he has peripheral vision. He had to stare straight ahead, because if he turned his head a millimeter to either side, Laura and I ganged up on him and it was over. I believe this is probably why he grew to be 6'3" and large. It was out of pure spite. And to insure he will NEVER sit in the mush pot again as long as he lives. :)